What’s In A Name?

Revisions on my manuscript continue with the goal of having it submission ready by the end of April.     By then the lease on my “retreat” home here by the Chesapeake Bay will be up, and it will be back to “real world”, aka getting a “real job” and having a fixed address where all those rejection, oh I mean acceptance letters can be mailed.

In the meantime, I thought you might enjoy looking over the working list of “chapter” or “essay” titles that will be included in my book which is tentatively titled:  “Moments of Panic, Moments of Peace”.    The manuscript is a series of essays about my journey to reconnecting with and redefining life after the sudden death of my husband.

So without further ado, here is the list:

 

What is Loss or   Telling Your Story

Pre Hike Instructions – A Metaphor for   Grieving

Some Advice for the Newly Brokenhearted

You Can’t Fight the Wind

Everything Changes

The Cats That Saved My Life

A Few Words on Bravery

Dukkah Happens

“A” is for Anxiety

All We Can Do Is Keep Breathing

Keeping It Simple

The Control Illusion

What Is True

Is This As Good As It Gets

Who Am I

Keep Walking

What Do You Hope To Accomplish With All   That Thinking

Travelling Light

Being Awake

Finding My Tribe

What Is Essential Is Invisible to the   “I”

I Really Should…..

The Fine Art of Doing Nothing

That’s Where The Light Is

Be Here Now

Empty Me

The Pitfalls of Planning

What Is Important

Happiness Versus Peace

Recovery Defined

Moments of Panic, Moments of Peace

 

 

A Unique Opportunity

Being able to live in Bar Harbor and on Mount Desert Island these last 10 months has been a wonderful opportunity.  I’ve seen and experienced many things – a deer right outside my bedroom window, Acadia surf during a ‘noreaster storm, great food and fine drinks with new friends and old.  Last evening I drove past a guy in full Scottish uniform playing the bagpipes in the fog next to the bay.   I learned from my dinner companions that apparently he does this routinely during tourist season.   How he isn’t causing accidents, I don’t know!

One of the most wonderful things I’ve discovered here is the True Zen Nature Center (see link).   Over the week-end members of our group hosted a young Korean monk who is biking his way across the Americas.  The first leg of his trip, crossing Canada, has been completed, and he is now starting his crossing of the US (which is why he was in Maine).  The final leg of his journey will be through South America.

 

ABOVE PHOTO:   Sunim at Jordan Pond (photo by Michael Rosenstein)

 

I had the pleasure of meeting Sunim at the dinner hosted by my friends and learned a little bit more about  why he is undertaking this journey.   I think it is summed up beautifully in a quote from his blog (translated from the original korean):

“”Water doesn’t stagnate when it flows. In the same way, humans should move so they will find their relationships with others. If you take a test you’ll know how well you’ve studied. If you overcome a limitation you will know your heart; tears are opening my heart. My pilgrimage is not only my path, but also a journey to connect with the lives of others.”
– Daeung Sunim
Sunim started this journey completely alone and it was by sheer coincidence (unless of course you believe that there are no coincidences), he met David who started a Facebook page which has evolved into a networking page to find people and businesses to Sunim along his path.

I for one, am certainly grateful that Sunim’s path, and paths of the people at the True Nature Zen Center have crossed mine, because my heart has become a little larger, and my life  enriched by knowing them.

Take a look at the links listed below where you can access a map of Sunim’s route.  If Sunim’s path runs close to where yours, don’t hesitate to take the unique opportunity to meet and help this remarkable man.    You can follow him on Facebook at:   Journey of the Spirit, A Buddhist monk bikes the Americas, or on the blog at:  http://journeyofspirit108.blogspot.com
Below:  Getting some much-needed bicycle maintenance (by generous donation) at the Bar Harbor Bicycle shop (that’s the one on Cottage Street – so if you come here and rent a bike, rent from them!)  Photo by:  Michael Rosenstein

 

Portrait of a Tree – Connection

Haven’t posted one of these in some time, but on last week’s hike I saw this interesting example of a decaying tree that had been taken over by a woodpecker.   The woodpeckers strip the bark off the trees with their beaks to get at the insects.   Another great example of the cycle of nature and how this tree, although it is “dead” is still providing shelter and sustenance to other creatures.

Connection – we are all connected – to everyone and everything.

 

 

 

 

Clouds

“I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now.

From up and down, and still somehow,

It’s cloud illusions I recall, I really don’t

know clouds at all.”

 

 

Joni Mitchell

I wish I had been this “enlightened” when I was in MY early twenties!   So here are a few lovely clouds for you to ponder on.   Better still, go outside and look at the ones above you!

 

 

 

Zen, Waterlilies, and the Art of Dodging Bicycles.

Thinking I was going to enjoy a quiet walk on a mid-week afternoon, I headed for one my favorite places, Witch Hole Pond.   When I was last here about a month ago with my sister and her husband, who were visiting from out-of-state, we enjoyed a quiet walk around this peaceful lake, bog, and marsh area.    What a difference a month makes!   No fewer than 100 bicyclists passed me on my 3.5 mile hike; literally “roving gangs of cyclists”, otherwise known as teenagers without a lot of supervision,  thus creating plenty of noise and making certain that NO wildlife was going to be seen on this day!

Fortunately, my goal (aside from not being run down), was to photograph the waterlilies that are prolific here.

 

 

One of the things I find most interesting about these “wild” waterlilies is that when closed, they appear to be a yellow flower, but when open they bloom white.   I don’t know what causes this phenomena, but I find it fascinating.

 

 

The old adage:  “Look both ways before crossing” was very appropriate on this day.   Having to cross the road numerous times to get the photographs I wanted required attention and patience.  But finding these pink blooms among all the white made the entire walk worthwhile.

 

 

I found some other interesting plants along the marsh on this day too, including bull rushes and another lovely purple bog plant, unfamiliar to me.

 

 

 

 

Toward the end of my walk, I passed by the scene below which reminded me of a Japanese zen garden.     I remember reading how different elements in zen gardens are designed to represent things in nature; for example: rocks are mountains, dry river rock, water, and so on.    Considering all the traffic on this hike today, it was good to be reminded of the importance of finding/being zen even in the midst of chaos.

 

 

The Fine Art of Doing Nothing

As the weather ever so slowly (but steadily) warms; the rocks along the shore, the tree trunks along the trails, and the park benches in the town, warm along with them.   This means more time to sit and enjoy the views,  and practice the fine art of doing nothing.

 

 

Actually doing nothing is harder than in sounds.   We are so programmed to believe that we need to be accomplishing something with every moment of our day, that we feel guilty when we stop.     Many of us also don’t like the thoughts that we have when we do nothing, so it is easier to hold them at bay by keeping busy and distracted.   I’m not sure when it became so terrifying to “be alone with our thoughts”, but our culture bombards us with the idea that it is bad to be alone, bad to be still, bad to be doing nothing.

 

 

I believe that “doing nothing” is good for you, both mentally and physically.   Major religious practices encourage this.  For example many Christians declare Sunday as “a day of rest”.   Jews observe the Sabbath (which prohibits certain activities during this time).  Buddhists meditate (the practice of “no mind” to promote “awakening”).    I believe there is wisdom in this.    I can’t help but wonder if many of the maladies that our culture suffers from such as depression, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue can’t be tied back to the fact that we have distracted and “busied” ourselves to the point of mental and physical exhaustion (please don’t think that I am suggesting that this is ONLY cause for these illnesses,merely speculating).   I will argue that ignoring our need to be still, to be silent, at the very least deprives us of so many wonderful opportunities to just be present in the moment and appreciate that place in time for what it is.

 

So take some time today or tomorrow (but make it sometime soon) to practice “doing nothing”, and see how good it feels!

 

 

Zen – “First there is…………….”

I found this “Zen” quote and thought how it related to some of my recent hikes, as well as some of my recent self discoveries.

It goes like this:

    “First there is a mountain.   Then there is no mountain.  Then there is.”

 

 

         “First There Is A Mountain”

 

    

       “Then There Is No Mountain”

                   “Then There Is.”

Keeping it Simple

Three months into my “Year in Acadia”, and I am finding that so far my greatest joy (and sometimes greatest challenge), has been to “keep it simple”.    This is in part due to the weather.  I arrived here just after Thanksgiving (seemingly appropriate), and its been cold, windy, icy,  dark, and windy (did I mention wind?).      Another reason is finances.   In order to be here, I have to make this as frugal an adventure as possible.   That’s likely to become more of challenge as the island “comes back to life” in late spring.   All those wonderful restaurants with their tempting menus!    Now delightfully, my landlords tell me that they set up a grill, table and chairs, and umbrella for use in the warmer months.   They even invited me to plant whatever I want in their “greenhouse”.     I may be the luckiest renter in the history of renters!!   This will certainly encourage me to continue my “frugalness” and provide a delightful outdoor atmosphere right outside my door!

I also think that “keeping it simple” fits in with my reasons for coming here.   When I limit my distractions, I am able to devote time to reflection and contemplation.    In these first few months here, I am beginning to realize that some questions do not have answers.   Of course, the next step is accepting this reality.   I am also discovering that in order for me to ever have hope of achieving contentment and/or happiness again, I must accept the hand that life has dealt me (in the death of my husband).   Hmmmm, are we seeing a theme here?    Hint:  the word “accept” seems to keep popping up.   As a recovering control freak, this idea of acceptance has always been a challenge to me.   I come from the school of:  “we create our own reality”, with phrases such as:  “Make it happen”, “Just do it”,  and “I will get what I want” being my mantras throughout my adult life.    Facing (and accepting) that sometimes there are times when you just don’t get your way has been a huge obstacle for me in moving on with my life over the last four + years.   Basically, I have learned that in many ways I am a spoiled brat and that I HATE not getting my own way!!

Keeping it Simple along Eagle Lake on Christmas Day

 

So keeping it simple helps (and sometimes forces) me to better understand these aspects of myself.  Without the distractions of work, family and friends, social activities, television, eating out, maintaining a house, and other “things” these truths become evident.   In addition, the reconnection with nature through hiking, and  dedicating time to the practices of yoga and meditation have helped my mind to become more calm and open.

Yes, I still make time to listen to the news, watch movies, go on-line, read novels, play with photography,  and volunteer.    But this time to understand myself better will, hopefully, result in my becoming a more “authentic” person (and I have such a long way to go).   But we’ll save that discussion of “authentic” for another blog post.

In closing, I would challenge you to look for ways to “keep it simple” in your own life.  You might be surprised at what you learn!

Nature knows how to Keep it Simple....and beautiful

 

 

Portrait of a Tree – IV – Being aware

A very common sight along the trails of Acadia are tree roots.   They come in all sizes; large and small, and can quickly bring the unwary hiker to their knees (or worse).   While this (need for attention) makes for a good meditative practice, the balancing act is to enjoy the scenery but watch where you are stepping at the same time.       The photo below of this very large pine tree root is a potent reminder of the importance of awareness.

So here is your zen thought for the day:  When I am aware I am fully present.   When I am present I am truly experiencing each moment as it is given to me.   And in experiencing each moment I am living to my potential.

 

Everything Changes

I began taking a yoga class (see link to Catitutdes Yoga Studio), called “Foundations of Yoga”.  It is deemed a beginners class because the instructor concentrates on teaching the fundamentals of each pose – the proper alignment, etc..    The instructor is also a proponent and instructor of zen; and she has a real knack for saying things that I really need to hear.

So at my most recent class, we are in a pose that involves standing on one foot with the other leg stretched out, one arm bracing us (on a yoga block) and the other arm extended in the air (I actually managed to achieve this pose for a few seconds!).  From this pose we go back to a simple “mountain pose”, which is just standing, both feet straight ahead, arms at your sides.    She remarks very quietly when we’ve returned to mountain pose:  “just think, a few seconds ago you were standing on one leg with one arm in the air and now here you are with both feet on the ground, everything changes, everything changes”.

This was the pose!

Everything changes.  That simple phrase hit me like a freight train.   I’ve read and researched so many philosophies that talk about how the only thing certain in life is change, or that change is the only constant in the universe – but somehow connecting this thought to the action of the yoga poses drove this concept home to me in a way that I had not previously internalized.   Everything changes.

Everything changes.   One day you are a child living with your parents, the next you are married with a home of your own.   One moment you are a couple, the next moment you a step parent.   One moment your parents are youthful, vibrant people, the next your father doesn’t know what day it is thanks to dementia.  One moment you are married to a wonderful man, the next day he is dead and you are a widow.  One moment you have a successful business, the next you are scrambling to find a job and make ends meet.  One moment you are living in Pennsylvania, the next you are in Bar Harbor, Maine and writing a blog.   Everything changes.

Everything changes.   Every moment of every day, something is changing.  The cells in your body, the clouds overhead, the smell in the air, the view before you, the people around you.    Some changes are large, some are small, some changes have positive outcomes, others negative, but the inevitably is there staring us in the face……everything changes.

Everything changes.  But we are not alone in this universe of change.  Just as “our” world is changing, so is the world of every other living thing changing.   Our family, our friends, our stranger on the street, our pets, our plants, our ocean, our desert, our planet.   Every living thing needs to react and adapt to those changes – be they subtle or not so subtle.   Everything changes.

New paths to walk, new ways to think.

My personal response, I realize is to try to control the change occurring all around me.  An impossible task, but still I try.  Of course these attempts are a valiant if ineffective coping mechanism.   I label change – good/bad, positive/negative, large/small, manageable/unmanageable.    When in reality change is none of these things, it is what it is – just change, just different than before.    The labels we apply to change, our reaction to it, our resistance to it is where our suffering begins.   Everything changes.

Maybe someday my thinking will be as clear as Acadia's waters

This revelation will make for good contemplation as I continue my “soul excavation”.  Everything changes, go with it.